why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Randomize
