I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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