what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
