I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
