I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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