I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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