Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
