dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
