I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
