Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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