his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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