Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
