as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
