it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
