I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
