I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
