I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
