OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
