yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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