Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
lets start a swedish sibling band together
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm getting married
To pizza
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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