She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
