If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
