On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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