yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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