i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
