I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
