The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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