hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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