i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
