I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
