if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
farters have to be the big spoon...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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