He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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