if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
apparently the secret to your success is patron
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize