so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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