My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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