we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
