I can text with my tongue
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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