i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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