My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
