I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
