Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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