Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
