shes about as inviting as chlamydia
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
