so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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