; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Drake has all the answers
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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