Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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