Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize