I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
