the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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