How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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