ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
