your parents love me but you hate me
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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