you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
