I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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