I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
please come you make the beer taste better
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize