Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Watching her eat just hurts me
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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