Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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