I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
