I got chris browned last night
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
