I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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