ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
did you just send me my own nude
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Randomize
