arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you would pick up someone in the library
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
