We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
