Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
