I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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