In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Found your dick twin last night
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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