if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
