the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
